I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
