So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
