So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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