so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
