hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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