New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
