I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
