i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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