Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
