Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
