tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
