I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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