I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
