ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
