my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
