it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Will exercising make me less horny?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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