jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
