Your face is a jimmy john
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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