Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
