So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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