Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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