i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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