Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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