Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
