I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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