He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
