i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?