Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."