my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation