Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?