Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
