i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
