he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
