Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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