After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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