You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
