there's paper in my vomit.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
