I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
