I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
