you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
