I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
