3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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