glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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