you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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