Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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