True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
