I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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