Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
