so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
