Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
