...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
