sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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