Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Small penises have feelings too.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize