Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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