Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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