I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
