6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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