who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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