there's paper in my vomit.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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