Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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