thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
